How you can’t even begin to understand.
September 29, 2012 § 2 Comments
When I was young and didn’t know any better, I had very strong opinions about people and just exactly how they were fucking up their lives. Upon hearing a random15-year old get pregnant, I tsk-tsked, shaking my head at her sheer stupidity. I was of the ‘you make your own bed, you must lie in it’ persuasion, until my grandma taught me that I couldn’t judge someone based on one fact alone (maybe not even dozens of facts), because there is just no way to understand the circumstances behind a certain situation.
It didn’t make sense at the time. I continued judging. Now that I’m older (hopefully a little bit wiser), I still have strong opinions, yes, but I like to think that they’re a little more…compassionate in nature.
I’ve grown to understand exactly what she meant – that we have absolutely no clue, not a one, about people and the different situations they find themselves in.
Take for example the pop star who gets beaten up by boyfriend, forgives him and stays with him, then has a change of heart, breaks up with him, and now admits that he will always be her first love. Never mind that she landed in hospital for said beating. And then there’s the oh-so-old-fashioned dad who gets into an apoplectic rage at finding mascara and lipgloss in his thirteen-year-old’s room, who won’t let her take public transport anywhere. Never mind that she’s an intelligent young woman who’s grown to almost five-foot-nine inches and looks like a twenty-year old.
Most of it sounds silly, and we shake our heads at the thought of how could’ve handled the situation better if it happened to us. We would never ever stay in an abusive relationship with a man, no matter how hot or famous; We would learn to let go and let our kids learn for themselves about the real world. We dissect the situation, making clear-cut judgments along the way, thinking of ways that they should have. Little do we know that the pop star grew up in an abusive home, that the first idea she was exposed to of how men treat women was exactly the way it went down. That from where the dad came from, little girls get snatched and disappear on a daily basis.
I suppose if we knew all this background information, we would understand better and have a little more compassion. But that’s exactly the point – We don’t know. We don’t understand. Not even a tiny fraction of it.
I’m not condoning abusive men or praising battered-wife syndrome, or promoting over-protective parenting. I’m just saying…..you can’t even begin to understand what people are going through, so you can’t, just can’t say that someone’s wrong and this is how it should be done…..y’know?